The North Still Has Frozen Spots

Greetings from my hometown, where I’ll be for the next few days to celebrate my favorite example of obsessive-compulsive disorder gone wild. In fact, thanks to this wondrous holiday, I have rediscovered the joys of shelf liner. Amazing, I realized, that the width corresponded almost exactly to the width of the shelf! Genius.

But then, being back in Ottawa is getting me back in touch with the off-kilter nature of Canadian suburbia. It’s 70 degrees out and dirty snow still lingers on the streets near my home. The pathway to the synagogue has become so drenched with melted snow that ducks thought it was a manmade lake, quacking happily and untroubled that they aren’t supposed to be here and never have before. Gas prices are so high that it reminds me I really can’t afford to live anywhere else than New York, even with increased unlimited Metrocard fare. And Canada’s arguably most famous dynamic duo will return as a cartoon show.

And then there’s today’s front page story around the country, which seems the epitome of weird:

MERRITT , B.C. – Kim Robinson is a beefy, tough-talkin’ bushman who

didn’t really need his intimidating bull mastiff and .22-magnum Savage

rifle to bring Allan Dwayne Schoenborn to justice Wednesday morning.

“A

scared, pathetic little shell of a man,” is how Robinson described the

multiple-murder suspect in an interview with The Vancouver Sun. “I’m

240 pounds and I’ve done hard shit all my life.”

Robinson said

Schoenborn,  the subject of a Canada-wide manhunt since his three

children were found dead in their mother’s trailer in Merritt on April

6, appeared frail and beaten in his tattered jeans, long johns and coat.

Asked how the suspect managed to survive in the wild, Robinson snorted:

“He didn’t ‘survive.’ He looked like anyone else who had gone for 10

days with no food and was too stupid to drink.”

Now that’s badass.