You Cannot Beat This Headline

Or the story, for that matter:

WAUKESHA, Wisconsin (AP) — It was embarrassing enough that

Mark Stahnke woke up in a neighbor’s yard without his pants. Then he

remembered they contained a cashier’s check for $41,093, meant for his

son, and several hundred dollars in cash.

But he got it all back Friday, including the pants, thanks to a man and his dog.

Stahnke said he doesn’t know what happened between when he left the bar

and when he woke up the next morning, and police were skeptical when he

filed a report on Monday.

“We’re used to hearing weird stories,

but with his intoxication we figured this one would be different, that

the amount of money wouldn’t be exact,” Police Lt. William Graham said.

“How do you get so intoxicated that you lose your pants?”

Stahnke said he had met his son at a bar and doesn’t remember much afterward.

“I woke up cold not knowing where the heck I was, and I didn’t realize

it at first because I still had my shoes and socks on,” he said. “When

I got up, I realized, my God, I don’t have any pants.”

That last line soooooo has to be a t-shirt….