The Girl’s Guide to Harrogate

After only two years, the Harrogate Crime Festival has become the go-to event in the UK. And for good reason: the organizers run a tight ship and understand that they must cater to both authors and fans in separate but equal ways. And by keeping it on the smallish side, they haven’t had to worry about conflicting events and can concentrate on what matters most: everybody having a good time. Starting tomorrow, the event moves over to a new venue, the Cedar Court Hotel, which looks to be just as opulent as the previous location.

But for those revelers attending for the first time — and even for those who aren’t — here’s my guide on what to do and see, based on my own experiences and the current offerings:

Thursday

After long train journeys (which hopefully won’t break down anywhere) arrive in time for the only thing happening: awards. The Old Peculier Crime Novel of the Year Award will be given out to one of six lucky shortlistees, who will get to chat with radio doyenne Jenni Murray about books they wrote more than 2 or 3 years ago!

No doubt there will be much drinking (before, during and after) but black tie’s probably optional.

Friday

Some people will go nuts and want to go to every single panel offering. As any convention veteran can tell you, it’s not a wise idea — sometimes you just want to kick back in the bar, have a drink, take some time to eat a sandwich or few, or even find some local child and spend the next hour and half throwing paper airplanes back and forth with them….

But if paper’s in scarce supply, then these look like the best things to go to:

If you’re not hung over — or even if you are — you get publishing advice from the likes of Orion’s Jane Wood, Curtis Brown’s Jonny Geller and the BCA’s Kate Bradley bright and early at 9 AM. Then at 10:30, check out the Sex and Violence panel with Mark Billingham, Simon Kernick, John Fullerton, Natasha Cooper and Val McDermid — no matter what the topic’s about, this is an entertaining bunch with lots on their collective minds.

If you’re a newbie, you’re probably on the panel, but if you’re not, then at 2 PM check out your fellow debuting crime writers like Ilona Van Mil, Catherine Sampson, Louise Anderson and Stuart MacBride as they discuss their maiden voyages into the murky sea of publishing. And later on, Ruth Rendell’s interviewed — will she reveal her side of the story on the pending wrestling match? You’ll just have to stay tuned…

The evening’s entertainment — which really ought to be podcasted or videoblogged — features Billingham, Simon Brett and Stella Duffy as they cheerfully skewer the legend of Raymond Chandler. And after that? Time to wipe the memory banks, of course.

Saturday

Poor Reginald Hill. 2 years ago he was the early morning guy, and now he has that honor once again. But someone has to, and no doubt he’ll get a good sized crowd because he’s got lots to say and does so quite well. But for those — like me — who are more inclined to stagger to breakfast on the very very late side, take your pick of the Book Group chaired by Ann Cleeves or the Historical panel featuring CJ Sansom, Jacqueline Winspear, Susanna Gregory and Edwin Thomas (who’s chairing the Debut Dagger entries this year.)

Then after lunch it gets a bit crowded. Sandy McCall Smith! Michael Connelly! Belly laughs! And of course, writers in translation like Giancarlo Configlio (Italy), Kjersti Scheen (Sweden) and Eugenio Fuentes (Spain) who are all writers I want to read and wish I have already.

Oh, and at some point people might want to go see the city and get things to eat. Betty’s is awesome. There was this cool Italian place across the street from the Majestic too, but since that’s not the hotel of record anymore, well, that’s the limit of my restaurant recs, alas.

And then, the Pub Quiz. Dear God. This could be trouble…especially if ABBA Tribute tribute bands show up later. Or wannabe brides wearing micromini dresses. And men wearing silly hats. LOTS of silly hats…

Sunday

Congratulations! You’ve survived the weekend. Or boo! It’s almost over and you had such a good time. But that’s how these things go, you know. But it’s not quite over yet, what with Kathy Reichs’ late addition as a speaker and experts get to poke fun at various authors for getting all sorts of facts wrong in their book — I wonder how soon into the panel someone will mention a Glock and how it doesn’t have a safety…?

And then it’s over, likely another smashing success. Hopefully I’ll get to go next year when Mr Billingham has the honor of organizing the event. Already I hear the lineup’s going to be fantastic.