The Dark Side of the Deal

It seems that anonymous agent blogs are the new new thing — there’s Brooklyn-based Miss Snark, and now Agent 007 has come along to dish the dirt about what it’s like to be an editor-turned-agent. She finds that when that proverbial shoe’s on the other foot, all those editorial rejections take on a whole new meaning:

As both an editor and an agent, I have written and read thousands of rejection letters, and I know I shouldn’t take them personally. But still. I used to be a beloved editor! I had bestsellers! None of that matters. (And frankly, I have to remind myself that this is all payback for those carefully crafted rejections I sent out for years—sometimes faxing them to avoid the agent’s call.)

Here is the hard truth: They’re simply saying, “This isn’t for me.” I know, it’s not the Stop the Presses insight you were hoping for, and it’s not always an easy thing to remember when another (and another and another) rejection arrives. But my advice to agents (and authors) is to skim the letter and then file it away. Don’t angst.

Then she goes on to provide a cheat sheet of what those buzzwords really mean:

“The proposal is solid.” = I was completely bored.

“I don’t see this breaking out of the pack.” = The author is a complete unknown, so no matter how great the book is, we can sell more copies of Carrot Top’s next book. [Note to Self: Call Carrot Top’s manager.]

“Not right for my list at this time.” = I don’t have time to read this because a) I am about to go on vacation, b) I just got back from vacation, c) I just acquired three books and can’t take yet another agent yelling at me about a contract and signing payment, d) I had bad sushi for lunch.

“Not right for our list at this time.” = I just got back from launch meetings/sales conference where my books were endlessly criticized, and now I don’t know what I should be acquiring. [Note to Self: Find out who’s hiring.]

“The consensus was…” = I told my assistant that I thought it was crap and she agreed with me.

Never mind when one editor loves characters and hates the plot, but another says the exact opposite…