No monkeys were harmed in the creation of this award

On the one hand, you have to hand it to James Patterson. He wants to give back to the reading community by giving money to those who find “original and effective ways to spread the excitement of books and reading.” I believe this was even written with a straight face.

And I managed to keep mine while reading through all the salient points of the “Patterson Page Turner Awards” including the following:

• The first $25,000–the PageTurner Award–will go to any person, group, company, or institution that spreads the excitement of books in an effective and original way. For instance

  • A librarian, educator or bookseller who’s promoted the joy of reading
  • Anyone who’s publicly highlighted the entertainment value of books
  • A philanthropic group that orchestrated a unique event that drew attention to books and reading
  • A book group leader, web site operator, or other person that singles out books in an exciting or unusual way.

• The second $25,000 award–the PageTurner School Award–goes to the elementary school, middle school, high school, or college that inculcates the joy of reading for pleasure in its students. The winning school will also win a visit from James Patterson for reading, signing, and talking about books.

• There will also be twenty-five $1,000 awards of merit to individuals and organizations who have made notable contributions to promoting the excitement of books and reading.

• In honor of the two $25,000 winners, First Book will donate 1,000 books to programs serving disadvantaged children in cities of the winners’ choosing.

OK, all well and good. But then I got to this:

The Award Council is composed of executives at Little, Brown and Company and the Time Warner Book Group as well as appointed delegates (ed. bolding mine) of James Patterson.

Well, can’t say the man isn’t consistent…