BEA Fashion Tips

Though Book Expo America is still over two weeks away, I can’t be the only one to grapple with the most important question of all: what do I wear?

Luckily, PW’s BEA Roundup from earlier this month addressed this very topic (no link, alas) and let Clinton Kelly and Stacy London (of What Not to Wear fame) give some choice sartorial advice for the fashion-conscious publishing type:

Rule #1: You may not wear any shoe just because it is

comfortable. You may, however, wear a shoe that is both comfortable and

stylish. Or a shoe that is excruciatingly painful and completely

fabulous. Here are some examples.

Just comfortable (and absolutely forbidden):

any sort of sneaker you would wear to any sort of athletic activity*; a

tan flat with—God forbid—nude hose; a nurse’s shoe or any form of

footwear that resembles one; an Ugg boot.

Comfortable and stylish (and acceptable):   a kitten-heel slingback; a split-toe antiqued-leather lace-up (for men only); a ballet flat; a wedge.

Excruciatingly painful and fabulous (and preferred):   a five-inch metallic stiletto sandal.

Rule #2:

Pants with tapered legs only make your ass look bigger. We call this

widening of the derriere the “ice cream cone effect” in our book, Dress Your Best

, which drops September 13. Oh, did we mention that already? Sorry. In

a straight, wider leg trouser, you’ll look taller and thinner—and your

colleagues won’t be tempted to place a maraschino cherry on your head.

Rule #2A:

Watch the pleats. If you can count more than one on each side of your

pants, you’re flirting with the prospect of a very puffy crotch. And a

puffy crotch is never a sexy look. (Sexy, you say? Of course you need

to look sexy at BEA.

You might bump into your favorite author at an after-hours party and

want to suck a little face! We know: what happens at BookExpo stays at

BookExpo.) In general, flat fronts are your friends.

Rule #3:

If you got it for free at a bar or bookstore, it’s not acceptable for

professional use. No T-shirts that state, “I’ll Pull Yours If You Pull

Mine. Drink Penguin Ale Draft” or “I’m Not Afraid of Virginia Woolf,

But I’m Scared to Death of John Grisham!” Although hilarious, these

slogans just don’t give off an air of, well, mental stability or

intellectual prowess. Plus, these oversized one-size-fits-all giveaways

just make you look like a schlump.

Rule #4:

Eyewear is everything. Everyone knows that all people who work in

publishing are myopic (we mean that in the ophthalmic sense, of

course), so it’s very important that your glasses match your

personality as well as your prescription. Tortoiseshells always say

you’re an intelligent man, and cat’s eye frames say you’re a woman of

mystery. Actually, we’re completely BSing this part. We both wear

contact lenses.

_* There are some very cute Puma sneakers that offer no arch support

whatsoever and would be perfect! Especially if they contain a smidge of

aqua, which is very big for spring/summer. If you don’t want to appear trend- conscious, you could wear orange, which was big last spring. But

NEVER EVER wear these with a suit._

So let’s see: no glasses — check. Stylish but brutally uncomfortable stiletto boots — check. Wide leg trousers — check, check and check. Free t-shirts — most certainly not.

I think I’ll be ready, world.