The things people will do to get their money back

So evidently Marks & Spencer (or M&S, or Marks & Sparks, or whatever the hell you want to call it this week) has decided to forgo their no-questions-asked return policy*. So, in a fit of um, pique, Daniel Boffey at the Mirror decides to test just what other stores were willing to refund using carefully selected items:

OPENED LOO ROLL

I BUY four toilet rolls for �1.47 from Superdrug on Oxford Street. But although they are sold as “Ultra Soft” I decide my sensitive skin isn’t convinced. So after using a few sheets, I take the rest back.

“These just aren’t soft enough,” I tell the cashier. “I have the bottom of a new-born baby. Can I have my money back.”

She laughs, but tells me she will have to bring someone from customer services down.

Thankfully Leon from customer service is more than happy to give me my cash.

“No problem at all, sir. Here you are,” she says and hands me back my �1.47.

REFUND RATING: 4

Total success. It obviously pays to be a bit cheeky …

Unfortunately, he had far less luck at Waterstone’s:

STAINED BOOK

DECIDE to pop into Waterstone’s on Oxford Circus to get a book – something serious on consumer rights.

The tome is titled Contract Law and fills me with dread, but I buy it anyway for �6.50.

I skim through it, taking all the bits that are relevant to my challenge and then try and return it the next day.

Sadly I have spilt a little coffee on the front cover – I needed the caffeine to keep me awake as I ploughed through it – and the pages are little creased.

The lady at the counter says: “I am sorry, but it has a coffee stain and is

marked. You didn’t buy it in this state so I am afraid I can’t give you your money back – however dull you might have found it.”

REFUND RATING: 0

She must have read the book on Contract Law – and stayed awake long enough to get beyond page four.

Ah well. Props for trying…I suppose.

*Well, it’s not like they were making money on the deal. Kind of like HMV back in the day where you could listen to the entire album, buy it, then return it, no questions asked. Too many smartasses just did that a few times too many, so out went the policy.