The Idea Couch

Since I’m one of the dedicated readers of this blog, it’s really a pleasure to be here as stop one of my Virtual Book Tour for my new novel, THE HALO EFFECT which is the first in a psychological suspense series about a group of New York Sex therapists. This first one is about Dr. Morgan Snow who gets involved in the hunt for a serial killer when one of her patients goes missing.

Authors complain that readers ask them where they get their ideas – and what the process is like – but I like those questions. So I thought I’d answer them and then ask you all a few questions of my own.

So.

About ten years ago I went to a sex therapist.

Like most New York City therapist’s offices that I’d seen — and I’d seen a few — this one had the ubiquitous leather couch, big comfy armchair for the doctor to sit in, a whole wall of books and some innocuous artwork. Nothing that announced that her specialty was sex therapy.

I took my place, sitting on the couch. Dr. M lowered herself into her chair. This was my first good look at her. And if you have any preconceived idea of what a sex therapist looks like, she didn’t fit it. In her early sixties, with silver gray hair, she wore gray slacks, a white turtleneck sweater set and a strand of Barbara Bush pearls.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Dr. M began, “Can you tell me a little more than you said on the phone about why you’re here?”

At some point in our lives, many of us find ourselves in a romantic relationship that doesn’t work as well as it should at every level, yet something pulls at us to stay and try harder.

For me what wasn’t working was the sexual component.

At first, I hadn’t wanted to admit anything was seriously wrong in the relationship that time wouldn’t fix. Then once I had no choice but to admit it needed help, I resisted the idea of examining my sex life under a microscope. The question I kept asking myself was: If I have to work this hard at sex, am I turning sex into work?

But wasn’t it work just dealing with the problem on my own? Wasn’t I obsessing over it, nervous about it and feeling like I was hiding some dirty little secret.

Okay. You want to know. I don’t blame you. What was the issue I couldn’t deal with? It’s only fair that I come out with it. So despite my feeling that I am undressing in public, here goes.

In between my ex-husband and my current live-in boyfriend, I entered into a dating situation with T, a talented man who I found attractive and interesting. But despite everything we had in common. T was addicted to porn and it was either watch a triple x-rated videos with him or nothing was going to happen.

Now, I’m no prude, but I couldn’t respond to what T found erotic.

So first, T tried to cut back while I tired to be more open minded. But neither of us moved closer to a middle ground.

Finally, instead of just breaking up with him I asked him if we could go to therapy together. When he said he didn’t want to, I decided to go alone.

According to several sex therapists I’ve now talked to, it is very common that the person who takes the step to go into therapy is not actually the one who can benefit from it the most. But one partner in therapy is still better than no one in therapy.

I’d been in garden-variety therapy three times previously but sex had never been an issue for me.

Now much to my surprise, I found I was embarrassed to talk about it. So much so that I lied in order to get recommendations for a sex therapist concocting a story that I needed to meet one because I was doing research for a novel in which the main character was sex therapist.

I kept up the charade with Dr. M for the quite a few sessions. Instead of talking about T or myself, I make up a fictional character who was a sex therapist caught between wanting to help the police and at the same time honoring her commitment to her client’s confidentiality.

Was I working on that book?

No. I hadn’t even thought about doing a book like that. It was pure fiction to get me onto the couch.

Dr. M was no fool and used my fictional idea to get me to talk about the problems I was there to discuss.

“How do you feel when you are writing sex scenes? Are they were based on what has happened to you or do you write about what you wished would happen to you? Do you write about sex that frightens you?”

Every question led to my coming up with more ideas about the imaginary book. And eventually Dr. M somehow helped me — through all that fictional conversation — to accept that it was ok if I never enjoyed watching porn and that T was never going to give up his addiction without getting help which he has no interest in pursing.

But equally important, as it turned out, was the character of Dr. Morgan Snow who came to life in Dr. M’s office.

A thirty something sex therapist – Dr. Snow is much more interested helping her patients than herself. Caught up in a world where she sees everything from the abused to the depraved, from couples grappling with sexual boredom to twisted sociopaths with dark, erotic fetishes.

I didn’t write The Halo Effect right away. In fact it took 8 years before I was ready to work on it- but 2 years ago I started writing first Butterfield Institute novel.

Each book in the series will focus on one of the sex therapists at the Institute who battle with doing the right thing when it comes to dealing with a patient who either is in danger or putting others in danger.

A little later today I’ll have a question for all of you – and two of the best answers will win copies of The Halo Effect – see you later – and thanks for reading.